I Don't Stay Down

Every time I start to recover,

cancer comes back swinging.

Not subtle. Not careful.

Like it can't stand that I am still breathing.

I've done chemo.

I've done CAR-T,

Shortly adding radiation.

I've lived through its transformations meant

to end me.

Cancer adapts.

Fine.

So do I.

Anger is here.

Fear is here.

Recovery isn't a comfort.

It's more a pause long enough

to reset my grip.

I come from officers.

Army. Navy.

People who knew how to stand

when standing hurt

and stay put

when leaving would've been much easier.

I wasn't raised to stay down.

The lesson never existed.

I come from work ethic.

From showing up.

From finishing.

From doing the right thing

even when no one's watching

and it costs more than it should.

Cancer tries to take what isn't

offered.

It wants fatigue.

It wants me soft to break.

I don't stay down.

My strength isn't mine alone.

I lean on what came before

and Who walks with me now.

That's not hope.

That's fact.

Even with my jaw clenched.

Even with my knee screaming.

Even when cancer comes back

intimidating me and counting on me

to quit.

I don't.