Embracing Life Amidst Cancer: Finding Strength and Hope in the Journey

Cancer is a word that brings with it fear and a mix of emotions. When I first heard my diagnosis, it felt like my world was crashing down. The hurdles ahead appeared overwhelming, and the road seemed endless. Yet, as I went through treatment, I found that this journey was not only about fighting for survival; it was also about learning to live fully, tuning in to my body, and discovering strength in places I never expected.

In this post, I want to share my cancer journey—the challenges, the wins, and what everyday life is like along the way. I hope my experiences can encourage others to face their battles with courage and hope.

The Initial Shock of Diagnosis

Receiving a cancer diagnosis changes everything in an instant. The first moment is overwhelming, as if time stands still. I remember sitting in my car caught totally off-guard when my biopsy report read potential lymphoma or leukemia. I remember, my heart pounding, as I googled them and realized I had cancer. I felt detached from reality, consumed by the weight of those words. I remember asking my mother and husband to make time for me as I was leaving work early and calling my boss.

For several days, I grappled with intense emotions: fear, anger, and confusion. Questions raced through my mind: Why did this happen to me? I eventually realized that I had a choice. I could allow this diagnosis to define me, or I could choose to embrace the journey ahead.

Finding Support in Unexpected Places

A vital lesson during my journey was the incredible value of support. At first, I hesitated to reach out; I didn't want to burden anyone with my struggles. However, I soon learned that opening up about my experience brought me closer to friends and family.

I found support in various forms—through neighbors, my children's sports teams for rides to practice, local cancer nonprofits, online communities, and even from strangers, sent by friends, who had similar experiences. I needed a give back and I supported the Blood Cancer United and raised significant money for their Light the Night, which empowered me to support a cause that supports my diagnosis. They introduced me to a peer and that shared experiences and made me feel seen and heard. I was so happy to attend the event, had my story shared, and my children and family and friends all participated. I learned that leaning on others is not a weakness but a way to find strength and connection.

The Daily Struggles of Treatment

Cancer treatment is an emotional and physical rollercoaster. My initial diagnosis was Small Lympomatic Lymphoma and was told it was wait and see and no changes to daily life. Then suddenly pain began and my diagnosis changed in two months, that I had the most aggressive transformation called Richters and I would need aggressive chemotherapy. Suddenly each day presented unique hurdles. I was being rushed to the hospital for calcium issues that could put me in shock.

When chemotherapy treatment started, I felt like a warrior ready to conquer the world, I was going to beat this and make everyone routing for me proud. However, with the other complications, I couldn't find the energy to get out of bed. Where I thought I would be battling this differently, I couldn’t even walk or eat well.

The toll treatment took on my body was significant. Fatigue, nausea, issues eating, total hair loss, and pain was a constant companion. I learned to listen to my body and give myself permission to rest. This humbling experience taught me the importance of self-care. For example, on particularly hard days, I would remind myself to take moments to breathe and rest. I was calling strangers trying to figure out what I could eat to keep going when my mouth had terrible sores or just wouldn’t open well to put normal food in it. Understanding my limits became essential for my well-being.

Celebrating Small Victories

I began to realize that celebrating small victories was crucial. Every day that I felt a bit stronger, every moment of laughter with loved ones, and each milestone in my treatment were significant reasons to celebrate. I kept an online journal to document these moments, which became a source of motivation during more challenging times.

I found joy in cooking for my family from scratch meals. There was never time before and we were consuming too much take out and fast foods. That small victory reminded me that, even amid struggle, there is a contribution I can do. I willed myself through many appetite declines and mouth sores to keep eating and tailored the food I made accordingly. I also began walking my dog. I was initially so afraid to walk outside my house as I was afraid, I would fall then I asked my daughter to walk with me and found I was steady and could do this and made an effort to walk everyday whether at home or hospital.

Learning to Listen to My Body

Throughout my cancer journey, I discovered the importance of listening to my body. There were days when I pushed myself too hard, resulting in exhaustion and frustration. I became cranky and couldn’t last past 7:30pm, This taught me that stepping back to prioritize my health was not a weakness and I would pace myself better the next day.

Incorporating mindfulness into my daily routine made a significant difference. I began writing down my feelings, which helped me connect more deeply with my body and mind. I wrote one of my thoughts down on my Caringbridge and it was one many people responded to and reached out to me on. Many encouraged me to start writing, which lead me to creating this blog.

Finding Strength in Community

As I continued my journey, I discovered strength in community. Connecting with others who understood my struggles brought a sense of purpose. Sharing my story inspired hope in others, and hearing their stories inspired me. Together, we formed bonds that transcended our individual experiences, reminding us that we are stronger together. So many in the community, met up with me and cared about my story and supported my family in various ways, including meals and GoFundMe.

A symbol of hope and resilience in the face of adversity

Embracing Life Beyond Cancer

As treatment progressed, I shifted my focus from just surviving to truly living. I reminded myself that cancer is just one chapter in my life, not the whole story. I began to pursue new experiences and reconnect with my passions, traveling and writing. I cannot travel right now but I started to write down where I would like to go, reworked a budget to ensure we were going to make it through if this treatment lasted much longer than anticipated for leave from work, and I am proud to start this blog.

The Power of Gratitude

Gratitude emerged as a powerful tool throughout my cancer journey. I began a daily gratitude practice that helped me concentrate on the positives during tough times. I learned to appreciate the support of family and friends and the beauty of nature surrounding me.

I saw miracles. Gratitude became a valuable resource, highlighting that even during adversity, enjoyable aspects of life exist. I also surrendered my impatience and control of trying to make this work on my time. You do not control cancer, you simply get through it with the right doctors, support, personal strength, and faith.

Inspiring Others Through My Story

As I began to heal, I felt compelled to share my story and updates. I did weekly updates on Caringbridge and connected with those facing their battles with cancer. I aimed to show them they are not alone, that hope exists even in the darkest times.

Through writing, I found storytelling's power to process emotions and reflect on my journey. I received heartfelt messages from readers who found comfort in my words, reinforcing my belief that sharing our stories can spark hope in others. Cancer has changed my life but also instilled in me a renewed sense of purpose and a deeper appreciation for life.

Final Thoughts

My cancer journey has been transformative, filled with challenges and valuable lessons. It has taught me resilience, the importance of community, and the beauty of embracing life amidst adversity. I still have a battle ahead, and I don’t know for how long, and if I can get back in time to my job. I still want clarity on a plan but that only can come through scans and patience.

I hope that by sharing my story, others will feel encouraged to face their battles with courage and hope. Remember, it’s not just about surviving. It’s about learning to live fully, listening to your body, and finding strength in unexpected places, reaching out to others and getting help. Together, we can navigate this journey and support each other in embracing life, regardless of the challenges we encounter.