Jumanji

In the hospital, being a first-time cancer patient, every day brought new concerns. Procedure anxiety, research for the procedures to ensure I understood, and pure anxiety of thinking what if I choose to do none of it. However, my medical team had a solid plan; I had to hang on and show up for the battle.

When you are facing something, you know don't know how to handle, but must handle, sometimes you need to make a game of it to keep going. I made my own “Jumanji”.

At home we're a busy family-sports, birthdays, go-go-go. We have popcorn machines, big screens, and a million electronics when we do have downtime. However, my favorite part of any day is after everyone is clean and relaxed: when we all pile under blankets and snuggle up for a family movie. A few nights ago, we watched Jumanji: The Next Level, and the silly, light-hearted chaos of that movie lodged itself into my head at just the right time.

Around day six in the hospital, my mode got dark. I lost my willpower. I had enough. I wanted to drop the cross I was carrying and stop fighting. Instead, I made a decision: I would be in Jumanji. If you seen the movie, each character gets a quirk and skill. My character? Pajamas, scarf, blankets deep-and one fierce skill-willpower. That's what I was given and that's what I would use.

So that's what I did. At every appointment, every discussion, every moment that felt impossible, I treated it like another level of the game. I told myself, "Say yes. Get me better." I dusted myself off, found another ounce of will, and stepped onto the next level. I lost that will plenty of times-but I kept finding it again, level after level.

Home was the end of the game. After being tested against my will taking every strength I could muster, I finally made it through and came home. I was exhausted, humbled, and so grateful to be home safe and knew I won.